WTF!?!?!?!???!

Dateline Sunday Night-

HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!! WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!?!?! This is some kind of sick joke perpetrated on the American people and the world as a whole. Heather Krull announced Sunday evening she would be stepping down as Bowling Wallendas team captain.

                                “Due to other responsibilities such as my charity

                                work with Doctors Without Borders I will no longer

                                be able to hold the position of captain for the

                                Bowling Wallendas. Believe me this decision

                                was incredibly hard to come to and it’s good to

                                know I have the full support of my team and

                                family.”

The TNT community was shocked at the e-mail sent out from one of the league’s most decorated stars. She has maintained that she will continue to bowl with the most dynamic team in TNT history because in her words “I’m just not captain anymore, I’m not dead.” League secretary Tony “Il Padrino” Cortese remarked “I didn’t think Doctors Without Borders needed economists?”

Team Ninja Adam Gard could not be reached as he was in Pakistan supervising  some sort of S.E.A.L. mission that was taking place.

Chris Jones, who could not be reached, is said to have openly wept. Then when informed she would still be bowling with the team went and had some of the greatest sex he’s ever had with his wife. Neighbors report hearing the name “WALLENDAS!!!” screamed over and over and over again.

Ever the pro team jack-ass and all around good looking guy Kevin Meister got drunk, punched two hobos and crashed a jeep Cherokee into the LA river. Upon hearing the news of Heather’s resignation later he said “Okay I’ll do it.”

A press conference is slated for later this week.