Our resident mathmagician and sometime bowler Heather “Algebra I is for Pussies” Krull has run the numbers and discovered an amazing formula to the Wallendas nabbing a fourth place finish yet again in the non-corrupt TNT league. Here’s how it shakes down:
On Thursday:
Pants on the Ground takes 4 (or 3 and they tie one game)
Split It and Quit It wins 1, Bowling Stones Win 3
No one takes 4 in the 5/6 lineup (either team could get 31)
We take 4 (31)
According to her it has to shake out that way and the Wallendas need to be perfect to win a trophy in a 17 place tie with 31 points.
This only goes to drive home the fact that TBW needs a full season to be awesome. Having two weeks removed because Il Padrino and El Presidente wanted to have a three week sabbatical in Cuba on the league’s dime is just further proof that I am not being paranoid when I stockpile assault weapons by the river.
Corporate buy outs? I’m sorry but that dog won’t hunt. In the year of “Occupy” do you think any corporation would be stupid enough to take away something from the 99% that distracts them from how those same corporations are nailing our poop-shoots without lubricate? No I’m sorry they aren’t that stupid, and aren’t filled with that much hubris. The corporate buy-out is a sham perpetrated by a corrupt administration upon an accepting audience. Only a few teams will rally against the corruption in the system and they are drowned out by the sheer ambivalence of the majority.
As this season draws to a close please note some of the other controversies that were making headlines in TNT:
League pay-outs decreased this season. A vote was called about raising the fee to $18 when one corruption confederate asked it be raised to $20 a week so one wouldn’t have to “make change”. Well you can get down and thank me for squashing that bit of future embezzlement.
Irishman082004 astounds the league with an inability to type English – I honestly wished I saved everyone of his e-mails. Because when he is caught for killing hookers and hobos those e-mails will give criminal psychologists an insight into his mind. Imagine purposely spelling everything the way it sounds as a child might, then miss-spell all those words as well. It is vital that we improve our education system in this country.
Meister Continues to be Awesome – As if there was any doubt. Other bowlers have tried stepping up to the plate and swiping some signature moves, but their ball return humping is mechanical and without emotion. I don’t hump ball returns, I make love to them. Just as I make love to cheesecake or miller high life. It’s either in you or it isn’t, and I’m sorry to say TNT, it just not in the majority of you.
