Il Padrino and El Presidente CAN'T WIN!!! Handsome Academy Re-Opens!!! And we teach you what to do with old socks!!!

When the unanimous UN vote came in reinstating Wallendia as a full fledged nation in good standing, an audible gulp was heard emanating from the Cuban delegation, most notably Il Padrino and El Presidente. That gulp held volumes in its intonation. Secretary General Ban Ki-Moon said to me later "they will not be satisfied with this defeat my friend. Be ever watchful for the sleeping snake, for they are more dangerous than the pouncing tiger." Personally I though it was a little dramatic, but it made sense. Because it wasn't long before they tried another of the ploys from their playbook "El and Il's Plans for Bowling Domination"

Adam "Guv" Gard thought it was pretty dumb of those two clowns to self-publish their plans but I reminded him Hitler did the same thing. So we fed the book into the Wallendatron 3000 to determine the most likely attempt at chicanery. That beautifully simple computing machine spit this answer out at us:

DATA OUTPUT---MOST LIKELY PLAN OF ATTACK, CAPTAIN'S MEETING TIME SHIFT TO ENFORCE LITTLE USED "ABSENTEE EJECTION FROM THE LEAGUE"

Remind me to tell you about how we created that glorious device that is better than about 15 Kray computers combined. Anyway since the captain's meeting is mandatory we decided to play it safe and ask some other teams when the meeting was supposed to be. Wouldn't you know it, old Wallendatron was right. Seems the meeting was moved up a week ahead of time, nice try Tony. The face he made when I walked in to the meeting could only be described as Edvard Munch's icon of angst The Scream having a bad acid trip. We conferred and felt my presence would incite the most ire in Il Padrino's hot Italian blood. In Chris "Trashman" Jones' words:

T has a mad on for Meister. Maybe it's the way Meister flaunts his rugged good looks. Maybe it's because he slept with Padrino's mom on a dare. Who is to say?

Well after a 15 day captain's meeting where nothing was accomplished, The Bowling Wallendas!!! drew number 24 as team slot. That's two seasons in a row, and it reeks of typical TNT corruption. But it'll be interesting to see the 24 team hoisting the First Place trophy. So screw you Tony.

Our first outing back as a team hinges on the post bowl of one bowler from our opposition. Weird I thought the entire team had to post bowl, funny how the rules change when it pertains to The Bowling Wallendas!!!

Gard struggled throughout the night saying only "I got big asses on my mind." He's an assman, get over it. Heather "Doc" Krull said she was feeling sluggish last night. We ran some blood tests and she was poisoned, I bet somewhere in the by-laws it states it okay to poison TBW members. Trashman performed admirably, but then again he still has his ball shined by turkish virgins with linseed oil. As for me, the bed was thoroughly shat in games 1 and 2, game 3 was a return to glory. It was kind of a nice capper for our next item of business:

THE KEVIN MEISTER HANDSOME ACADEMY IS BACK AND OPEN FOR BUSINESS!!!

That's right fans of attractiveness, my Handsome Academy is back and ready to begin our 2013 lecture series. When I was asked about it I gave my standard reply:

You know that school Oprah opened in South Africa where those girls were getting molested and stuff? Yeah my Handsome Academy isn't like that at all.

Here are lectures being offered in the month of January:

How to determine the right amount of disco clothing you need - led by me.
Bruce Lee, that dude was Chinese handsome - By Adam Guv Gard
So you're tall, just call yourself a romantic - Chris Jones administering
How to sneak peaks at Meister's Handsomeness, and not go insane - Led by board certified Doctor Heather Kroll PhD.

So check out our revamped HTML5 website and sign up for one of our classes. More classes to come soon.

Next week we face off against El Presidente's squad of unlovable losers "Coming in Hot", oh my what an original name...idiots.

Meister Out!!!