Seriously, I am not sure why we're all here. They haven't raped Lane Violators...yet.When asked by blog reporter Lizardo why they filed the charges, a dumbfounded Lane Violators captain "Mr. 300" said that "I heard they rape everybody, so I didn't want it to happen to my team." When it was explained that the rape in question was on the scoreboard his only reply was "ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh." Before he left he dropped his wallet and out came pouring Cuban pesos. Lizardo immediately reported back to me. Thanks Lizardo, you're an ace.
I knew this was an El Presidente ploy at stopping us before our week 13 match-up with Evil Soup. He can't beat us on the boards so he convinces the new guys to cry rape, before we even had a chance to undo our zippers.
It's not all roses though. Team Statistician and anchor, Heather "Doc" Krull, is still being held at a military facility in Kentucky because apparently some of her lady juices were found among Lane Violators bowling equipment. I'm pretty sure this is simply excess fluids picked up by the Violators in a previous week. I mean really, everyone knows when BTJ are throwing stones we get our shit all over the place. The whole league gets a BTJ facial when we're on our game.
Luckily Stunt Cock was in the hills of Marin County brewing up some of his Grade A, Class 1 hooch or bourbon if you prefer. It's his own private label and he calls it "Stunt Cock's Ball Sweat". I've sampled his Ball Sweat and it has a kick but man is it smoooooooooooooooth. But being out of the county proved a blessing because he missed the police sweep and is therefore well rested.
So we go in to tomorrow's games with a chip on our shoulder. We've never even congratulated the Lane Violators on that early season whirlwind romance. Now we never will.
Two more weeks until we open up El Presidente's ass and insert our massive balls. If he wasn't scared before, he should be scared now. The normally even tempered Trashman Jones said he intends to roll, what he calls, rape balls all night long.
Meister OUT!!!
