As a new season dawns on us The Bowling Wallendas will descend from their mountain lair, high atop Mount Fuji, and bring their unique brand of awesome back to TNT. Much like the “mythical” phoenix rising from the ashes to be reborn, the Wallendas feel themselves reborn in a certain fashion. Of course we’re descending from a mountain and not rising from ashes.
Gone is the season plagued by injuries both physical and emotional. Sadly it seems they and their brethren of Back Door Santa will continue to be dogged by the evil forces of El Presidente. In an effort to stem some of the propaganda spewing forth from El Corrupto Daily, Havana’s second best selling daily periodical, Meister along with his cohort in ZACHFOCS Nick “Powderkeg” Lyons have proposed renaming El Presidente CRS-ONE in all future postings.
“Listen the first thing we noticed when we started ZACHFOCS was that people hate difficult anagrams.” Nick Lyons was noted as saying.
“Yeah, I mean you wouldn’t believe how many PR people are on our asses about changing ZACHFOCS. How fucking hard is it to know ZACHFOCS stands for Zealously Adored Champions Heralded For Opposing Corruption & Suspiciousness?” Meister added.
When pushed on the matter Powderkeg went on to explain- “CRS-ONE stands for Corruption Reigns Supreme Over Nearly Everyone. Now I know that’s not true, you know that’s not true. Hell even CRS-ONE himself knows it’s not true. But if you name someone with an anagram that doesn’t mean a damn thing you take away their power. Look at Cher, her name stands for Crusty Ho Enveloped by Rubber. Sure she had a good run for a while but have you heard from her lately?”
“We rest our case. And you clowns in the press ought to know with my trial record of 5 wins no losses and 368 charges dropped before the case even reaches trial; that when I rest my case, I really rest my case.” Meister finished.
Now back to some very disturbing TBW business. On our one week sabbatical we rooted out a traitor in their midst. Shawn Clancy has officially turned coat. That’s right, the guy who kept promising to show up at our games with an official WALLENDAS FAN t-shirt has betrayed us. Yep Mr. Necktie himself, Shawn Clancy, has decided to join the TNT league. A former Wallendas booster, Necktie now finds himself playing for Honey Badgers DGAS. It is a definite slap in the face to TBW’er Chris “Trashman” Jones who taught the young Necktie everything he knows.
“He’s pretty much dead to me.” Jones said before he grabbed Ambrose Burnside and smacked the taste out of his mouth.
“I hope he gets the clap.” Said Adam “Gard Dogg” Gard.
“I hope he gets a girlfriend, and then he gets that girlfriend super pregnant. Like so pregnant there is no way they could do an abortion.” Commented team witch doctor Heather Krull.
“seriously I’ll be destroying my team from the inside. I’m like rot for bowling.” Pled Clancy.
He may be right too. I’ve bowled with the guy and he’s anything but consistent. Either way I wish him the best of luck in the upcoming season. But I would like to echo Heather’s thoughts and hope he totally knocks up some girl with like an unkillable fetus.
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