Election Night 2008, All Over Again. Do you want to keep her satisfied?

Frame Damage was a no show. I believe the exact message we got was “Fuck it, we’ll do it live!” So we bowled sans an opponent. Now we wait to see if they even post bowl. If they don’t then we’re back in the mix for top spot. If they do, well then it’s anybody’s ball game.

The entire team is pretty on edge about the waiting game. We’re all going through our own personal shit right now, kind of like that episode of M*A*S*H where all the doctors are working like dogs and not really getting any sack time but when they do it’s all these weird and creepy dreams, like Hawkeye having to remove limbs for wrong answers and Winchester only having magic skills in the ER. Sometimes when I close my eyes, it’s all I can see. Chris “The Trashman” Jones said this about his wait this week:

The waiting game is the worst part of it. It’s like when I thought I might have knocked up my high school girlfriend and I had to wait two minutes for that E.P.T. to see if I was going to need to punch her real hard in her stomach. She wasn’t preggers, but I punched her anyway. Why? Because fuck her, that’s why.

Heather “Doc” Krull used that nervous energy to write, record, and release a new album of bluegrass infused death metal music called Rape-Allachia – Heather Krull, songs in my heart. Noted BTJ Music critic Adam “If it ain’t Aretha, I don’t want to fucking hear it” Gard had this to say:

I don’t typically go in for anything other than dubstep, but this fucking record is awesome. It’s some of the dopest shit that my side holes has heard. It’s hobo-killing music.

While pacing BTJ HQ nervously Adam decided to teach me 265 ways to kill a man, should my stalkers ever make themselves known. In learning these methods I’ve had to become registered with the UN as a weapon of mass destruction and I had to circulate my ‘hood with a waiver for my neighbors to sign indicating they know they live near a certified bad-ass.

As far as the death threats? Not one note this week. Last week Adam “Guv” Gard brought a flak jacket, I wore it. I was shot a grand total of 15 times, which is what led to such awful scores. But can you imagine what my scores would have been like if I hadn’t been wearing the vest?

While we await an answer on whether or not Frame Damage will make up the games, we prep for tonight’s game against the replicants of Rand. The pop-culturally named District 12. Of her co-workers Heather had only this piece of game winning advice:

“Their asses are just as rape-able as anyone else’s. Fuck ‘em”

In a former incarnation BTJ were known as The Bowling Wallendas, so I leave you with our cousin Nik walking his way across Niagra Falls…on a tightrope…like a fucking boss.

Meister out